..at least you get a nice picture of a duck thrown in...
Working on an idea for a film about an American scientist who invents a machine that cuts off the bottoms of faces, and then goes on the rampage with it. Provisional title "Texas Chinsaw massacre".
"His rooms were covered with pictures of sheep."
"You mean he had flocked wallpaper?"
I sold one of our Nissan cars last week. I was very pleased to be able to say to the chap at WeBuyAnyCar that I was paying "In used Notes".
No reaction. Oh well.
There's a big lump of wood in the back of my chair.
I think it's the lumber support.
So, we're driving back down the motorway on Sunday and we pass a huge van with the above message on the back.
For a moment I had this vision of a the van containing a pair of specially trained equines who turn up when you do something stupid and say things like "Just this once, we'll let you off. But if you'd better not do it again".
After some discussion we decided that it could also be an instruction to pull into the next field and tell the occupants not to eat grass like that, or whatever.
What kind of soup does God like best?
Soup of the deity.
Actually, in Which this month they have a feature on the way that modifications that you make to your car can add to your insurance premium. Adding a spoiler can cost you over a hundred pounds a year extra. Blacking out the rear windows adds around ninety four pounds to the cost of a policy. And blacking out the windscreen costs even more......
Number one wife is knitting me a scarf. Today she turned to me and asked "How long do you want it?"
"Oh", I said. "I'd like to keep it".
I've been given special access to the script for the up and coming Star Wars movie.
I can therefore exclusively reveal that the first two words that are spoken in the movie "Star Wars - The Force Awakens" are "Good Morning".
I always think that when I'm invigilating exams my subconscious will be able to work on difficult programming problems and whatnot and at the end I'll have something wonderful and useful.
Unfortunately all I've manged to come up with today is a product idea for a new food made up of raw meat and fish. It's a Taramasalata Steak Tartare Kickstarter.
I've just had an idea for a game where players ring each other up and tell them not to wash any more. The working title is "Call of Dirty".
For quite a while now I've been fastidious about making a blog post every today.
Today I thought I'd leave a post empty and see what happens.
Oh, wait a minute....
At least you get a nice picture to look at...
I tweeted this joke last weekend from Whitby, but nobody seemed to notice or care. So I thought I'd blog it, just in case anybody missed it....
What do you call a caveman who can't walk in a straight line?
A meanderthal
My new camera has a “sweep panorama” mode. I thought I’d try it today, and it came up with this.
I was watching “Dancing On Ice” tonight (or at least it was on in the kitchen when we were having tea). I had a great idea. They could give the program a whole new feel by adding a different prefix to the last word each week:
Remember, you heard it here first.
Last year I did an April Fools joke on the blog that worked rather well. This year I’ve come to the conclusion that recent events have made it completely impossible to come up with anything remotely stupid enough to be believable.
The word ‘snodchortle’ doesn’t actually exist. In fact I’ve no idea why I mentioned it really. I just invented it to see how long it is before it turns up in Google search results with a link at the top which says “Buy snodchortle on ebay now.”
snodchortle is now on Google, but hasn't made it onto Bing yet....
Years ago I did this blog post along the lines of "If you aren't finding shelfish particularly relaxing you may have bought the 'Little Book of Clam' by mistake." Every since then I've been tickled by the way you can swap two letters round and get a lovely, absurd, result. Then, in the Programming 2 Lecture today one of the students had a "Keep Calm and Carry On" T-Shirt, and I knew how I was going to spend my lunch hour......
Today I had three great ideas for Tweets in quick succession. I’m so pleased with them that I’m going to put them in the blog so that they don’t get lost. And no, I’m not sorry.
“Argos are having an "up to half price sale". Working out what this means is really hurting my head.”
“I was going to buy an e-reader but I think I'll wait until you can get ones that do the whole alphabet.”
“I'm going to make a stage out of empty, lid-less, ketchup bottles. It will be an Open Sauce Platform...”
..and here’s a bonus new one
“I’ve written a program that plots the location of every seat I’ve ever used. I call it my Sat Nav”
Normally when I spend time washing the cars I come up with answers to questions and solutions to problems and stuff. Today all I thought of was:
Nobody ever plays that record from The Ronettes about the man that puts the cables away after a gig. It was called "The Packer of the Leads"
This made a good tweet (at least I thought so), but is absolutely no use for anything else.
Rob Miles is technology author and educator who spent many years as a lecturer in Computer Science at the University of Hull. He is also a Microsoft Developer Technologies MVP. He is into technology, teaching and photography. He is the author of the World Famous C# Yellow Book and almost as handsome as he thinks he is.
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