Not now, James

Just finished watching a Bond movie, and the question arises, "Is the world ever saved by ugly people?"

New Year Resolution

I think I've used this before, but I don't care....

Today is apparently the best day to buy a new monitor. Then you can make a New Years Resolution of 1680x1050.

Sound of running feet....

I was thinking of changing my name to "Rob Abacus".

Then people really could count on me.

My Apologies

"I've just started up my computer, and it has challenged me to pistols at dawn"

"Oh, you must have set it to duel boot"

Insomniac Dreams

I keep having this dream where I'm lying awake, trying to get to sleep.

Or at least, I think am.

Favourite Baking Joke

I'm making some musical bread but it is not going very well. I've only got the do so fa.

Sunday Question

If you see a printer out of the corner of your eye, is that what they call "peripheral vision"?

Enter Post Title Here

I'm thinking of getting some paving stones made out of drums.

Then people really would beat a path to my door.

Product Idea

I'm going to create a new garment. It will be a waterproof jacket with a search engine on the back. I'm going to call it a Cagougle.

Another profound question

Do people who write smoke signals work under a "nom de plume"?

Profound Question

Do inoffensive shoes have the sole of tact?

Christmas Cake Joke

"Is that cake paid for? Or is it stollen?"

Run for the hills

I was thinking about writing a film in which Satan makes himself an outfit from the pages of a russian newspaper. I would call it, altogether now,  "The Devil Wears Pravda".

Don't Read This

If I shout "120 dots per inch" on January the first, does this count as a New Years Resolution?

(I did warn you)

Sheepish Humour

Did you hear about the lame lamb with a gamboling problem?

Monday Quiz

This might not happen on any other Monday. But then again....

Old advert : "Only a fool breaks the two second rule"

But what is it?

Chance Question

If a person thinks something is unlikely they'll say "Fat chance". Or "Slim chance". Why?

Deadly Humour

I thought of this one as I was driving to the "MVP Pie and Pint" event yesterday evening in York (thanks Lorna and Akim for a great night by the way). In the end I decided not to tell it. See if you can work out why...

"My new computer crashed and all you did was send me a plastic raincoat for my rabbit!"

"Ah yes, that is because it comes with our new bunny mac guarantee"

New Computer Game Idea

I've just had an idea for a new video game. In it players take control of some little computer memory chips. They have to guide them through life, make sure they are properly plugged in, and manage their address and data bus connections as the chips  grow old and learn new things. I'm going to call it "The Simms".

Complicated Problems

If a plane carrying a load of black boxes crashed, how on earth would they find out what had happened?